After Divorce Concerns

 I have now had a few years pass since my last dialog here.   And Everything in my world And life has changed.  

I've suffered as many people have.  I've struggled, I've tried to make a relationship that had no foundation stand, and it did not happen.  I held out like so many people told me I should (just hold on things will get better)  but in the end it was all based off of no true structure that could withstand its weight. 9 years... 9!! 

I was with Someone who only wanted.. everything.. but monogamy.  He tried so many times to get me to have an open relationship. I even caved and tried but didn't want that at all.  I wanted My family. And excuse after excuse lie after lie.. and him pushing me in a different direction.. I gave up,  I gave in, and asked him for a divorce..  life has been so rocky and unsure and I had to live in the same home for over 1.5 years being separated in order to make him happy and not give him an at fault divorce.  He didn't want ANY blame being put on himself.  He didn't want me to say he had several affairs.  Or that our home felt toxic.  He wanted to only look like he's being fair, kind and letting me stay there in our home.  And really I was the only full time worker for 2 of the 3 years  that we were living in our home. Then I resigned after 2.5yrs in a management position in September of 2021.. and he had several part times jobs till the beginning of 2021. He and I split everything down the center up until this last year (October 2021) and then I paid every penny of our divorce. So much has happened so many hard times so many years so much want but not great communicating or true partnership.  My heart has broken.  The interesting thing is I was so deeply in love so I  tried over and over again I wanted to try. I wanted to fight for us.  I think the thing is.. he wanted his freedom and I again caved and I gave it back to him.. I had so very many moments in those 9 years though that were so beautiful.. that is what kept me trying and kept me going.  But to many that made me make the decision to go.  I eventually at the end decided to fully let go.  I began to date someone new.. she was my best friend.. I don't think that we really realized we were dating.  We hung out so often that we just became part of each other's lives.   It's surprising to me.  It's not that I'm against same sex partners... it never has bothered me but I never saw this in the works for myself.  It works though.. we aren't perfect no but we are friends and we get eachother.. and we love one another.  So for now in this time this is right and this makes sense.  

My New Journey!

I have such mixed emotions right now. For the past year(2017-2018) I have been in Barbering school. I worked my tail off. I have gone through a few teachers as they have come and gone from the school and I have never slacked once on my school work or have gotten any bad marks. I have gone above and beyond. I have stepped in and taught where I was needed and I got nearly 100% on every single one of my tests. I was excited to donate my time at the Detox center every other Wednesday night and I kept an open mind and welcomed criticism, never getting offended when it was offered. I was friendly to EVERYONE I made friends while I was at school just school friends not outside of school but that didn't matter I was one of the oldest students and many times that was a wonderful thing because the other students would look up to me like a mother figure and I never minded that.

However, There was a time when we got called into the schools classroom. This seemed to be a recurring thing as of late and this time it was concerning a client... This particular client I personally didn't cut his hair, but every time he made an appt or came in  to the school he'd only ask for a lady to cut his hair. Which is never a problem to prefer that, but the person that kept getting asked.. Didn't feel comfortable in his presence and asked if he could go with someone else who didn't mind.. Here's the problem nearly every girl there didn't feel comfortable with him.. Even I felt it and I didn't ever cut his hair...  Well we tried to inform the front end lady who worked there to relay to him in a kind manor that we didn't have any women available at the time but a male was available ...but that lady was extremely unprofessional and said that the girls don't feel comfortable cutting your hair.. He was livid and basically said we were prejudice because he was gay.. (What?!?) That's not at all the case we have teachers and staff and students who are and that wasn't something we even knew about him.. It was just the feeling of insecurity that he gave several of us and we have a right to refuse service to anyone no questions asked.. Anyway.. Our director W**** yelled at us saying how inappropriate we were for not taking him anyway.. OMG we'd make $5 off the haircut FOR the school not to ourselves and we all felt ok to refuse (silently/professionally) this forced cut upon us. So I stood up in class and said No you can not force us to take a cut from someone with whom we don't feel comfortable or alright around.. And someone in class said something really stupid and extremely inappropriate and I stood up for the girl who refused to cut his hair. After that incident I was told I needed to be done too and then my experience at school went from something of comfort to always feeling uncomfortable.. Also during an audit of the school our directors/teachers told us to say how much we love this school and told us basically to lie in a sense about the place ..  Including making us CLEAN the place from top to bottom right before they came and not having classes so it could appear perfect.. I felt like the school was being extremely dishonest. I was ashamed to have to graduate from this school and I told the director this and she avoided me till I graduated unless she needed me.. A barber.. to wash her hair or wanted me to do an undercut on her and her daughter instead of paid clients.. I ended up hating the school by the end.   And at graduation I was humiliated as she didn't speak about any of the good that I did.. I felt horrible and sad. I was one of the Student Body Presidents and always set up and took down for other graduations and called and organized 2 food drives. Everything I did for that school wasn't mentioned at all.. Just that  " You're a busy mother and maybe if you're lucky  you'll get work for a day or two with your schedule." I am grateful to be done but my whole self didn't even want to barber at all once I was through.  I felt defeated, ashamed and lied to about the quality of school this was.

I have since left the state to be rid of the commonality of this kind of people around me. I do not want this life. I moved to Arkansas and of course the grass is always greener right?  Well, Folks it's not true it's just been spray painted.. to look greener.. 

Life is an incredible journey.  It truly is up to us to make this life and the choices in our life worth the effort. 

I still barber on the side and I have been finding that working on myself and finding my worth is the incredible journey that I'm going on. 

Therapy

So I think I need help... But... Don't we all?

Stresses of this world just throw themselves upon us don't they?... And when we're not ready for it. I never thought that I would have to go to therapy... again... but now,  I do every week..  I go and talk to a stranger about the things that I think that I can handle on my own but I can't.. so I do... I go.. I tell him about my childhood.. I tell him about my teenage-hood.. about how early I got married and had children and traveled around the world.. I tell him about the struggles that I went through with my 1st marriage and how I've gotten divorced and quickly found love again and traveled some more... And how I quickly remarried and immediately go through hardships... immediately... never being able to catch up or feel secure just wanting to breath wanting love and then another fast ball is thrown at me.. another curve ball that I need to hit somehow.  I'm tired.. I'm exhausted.. I do so much... so so much. All I want to do is express myself fully but here, here people get their asses hurt their pride is hurt. There ego is hurt. I feel as though I could see several different perspectives.. well maybe that's because I have at least three different personalities that I know of myself. Maybe we all have several personalities that make us up into who we are. Though I've given a name to all of mine. Evana is known as the emotional one. Evana is the one that takes everything upon herself and cannot stop the tears. Evana is the one that's always been hurt, taken advantage of, violated, molested, raped, abused, scared, uncertain, but damn loving.... but she is probably the strongest woman in this world because she has gone through all of this and she is still here. Somehow.. (Surprised?) Well my second personality is Evie, Nessie, Ivy Jane... she's the one that everybody loves. She has a lot of different nicknames. Whoever wants to call her whatever they want to call her she is so agreeable, so fun, so alive, adventurous, unafraid, funny, creative and the only one of my personalities that everybody wants. She keeps us all together. She sees the light and strength in everything and everyone. She's strong because her emotions don't override her.. she sees the bright clear picture though she's not always in control. Nope...Now the third is Eve. She is the mother, the protecter, she has your back... She's the balancer, the organizer, the listening ear, The mamma bear. She has some strong not usually sad emotions but she is a strong willed woman. All three are incredible women... all in one. I'm an incredible woman who goes through a lot of crap who has a lot of Trials, but I usually keep them quiet so that other people see whatever they like to see. I have survived abuse. I have survived rape. I have survived several moments of wanting to give up on my life. I have survived through heartache. I have survived through being cheated on. I have survived through being lied to over and over and over again. I have survived through fears and uncertainties. I have become a woman!
I have also seen incredible beauty beyond what I have thought possible to see.. I have experienced the feelings of deep connecting love. I have seen the beauties of this earth and smelled the incredible fragrances of life. I have felt bliss and contentment and can see clear pictures of a possible incredible future. That is what drives me to find my successes in my life...

Therapy has helped me to the point of letting me puke up my insides to another person who can't stop me but can only listen.. all the while, I pay them.

I'm a fighter..
It sucks because of my challenges in my life. I have taught myself to have a voice. I have taught myself to fight back and do not take crap anymore through conversation. I do take a strong stand for myself finally but in doing so, I have stepped beyond the bounds of trust in others. So many times over I fall back and apologize For being overly strong.. Ugh Evana comes out at all the wrong times... and then I realize I'm not as strong as I think I am and then I just want to scream and be heard.. be validated.. be understood.. It's a dying circle... but in my flailing hurt/upset/pride/survival mode I have forgotten that they too want to be heard. I just want them to know that they caused me to be a woman who wants to stand her ground and protect herself and that I'm still on my way to figuring it all out and to just freaking give me a fair breath and chance to sort it out. I have come along a huge journey desperately wanting someone to see how far I've come and to take my hand and walk along with me. Instead of being hurt. I want someone to lift me up and encourage me and SEE how far I've come and just hold my hand in the process of becoming a better woman. How do I expect something like that? How do I heal? How do I become secure and Trust again? How do I do the same for others when I need it too? My trust has been violated. My understanding has been muddied, and my love has been taken for granted and taken advantage of.  Again, I ask... How do I trust Again?  Especially when I have been told that it Will happen Again? I'm deeply in-love with an idea... Our idea.... Our awesome plans.... Our hopes and dreams.... So I'm still here in Hope.

So... This Therapy thing... What is it? Does it help?..... Does it really?

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.

Have you ever wanted to just WRITE?? No vision no path no inspiration but just write to see where you might go with it? Yeah Me too! ..

My life has been an adventure!!

So lets skip the Oh so tragic 0-20 years of my life.. I got married.. Young. Age 20.. I loved it.. It was for the most part Amazing and I wouldn't have complained much if I stayed married..I gained 2 amazing little Men out of that marriage. My sons.  They are exactly what I needed.. YAY.. In fact.. in this marriage I would have lived day in and day out Just Doing.. Just being.. Just.. being Just...I'm grateful that we actually openly discussed getting divorced because then I finally woke up to the realization that I WAS Just being Just and said.. YES Let's let go and move on to better ourselves. We didn't tell too many people at first then the oh yeah Facebook had to tell the rest... I'm still getting stragglers saying WHAT??? You're divorced?? When did that happen.. ??? It happened 12 years and 2 months exactly after we were married!

I dated a handful of people after my divorce because I felt like if I didn't jump into dating I wouldn't Ever!!.. I was scared that I would mess it all up.. cuz after divorce EVEN WHEN you are friends when it ends.. there are still moments when you're down and where you blame yourself and where you miss your partner.. Yup even me. Matt was just fine.. but I bet he had his moments too. I guess he was ready to move on.. he found someone quicker than both of us imagined and they are VERY Happy!! YAY!! I'm so happy for him..truly.. I thought the same thing for me.. Oh man I thought YES ME TOO!! I started to date a man named Chris.  In fact he was a great man.. I dated him and felt HORRIBLY confused when I felt an overwhelming feeling to break up with him.. (Devastation hit HARD) WHAT??? WHY??? I can say that I felt absolute love for him. And he felt the same.. Ok now what?? I'm alone again and worried and then felt.."yup no more love in my life".. I guess I'm not ready for it.. which is ok.. I'm in no hurry.. BUT I guess my creator had different ideas.. An old friend of mine I recently heard had gotten a divorce nearly a year ago.. and now.. it's been nearly 3 months after my Divorce and I just happened to talk with him.. we went to lunch to catch up.. he heard about my break up. He had even a couple weeks before, meet Chris and was truly happy for me.. and I was happy for him moving on and he too had a girlfriend. After talking to him, I found out he as well had an overwhelming feeling to break up with the girl he was seeing.. (sounds like a theme going on here) WHAT?? No way!! Well still we didn't get excited about that but we started talking more.. we could understand where we both were coming from.. and we seriously didn't run out of things to talk about. That was actually really nice.

We started seeing each other as often as we could. Could this be?? Could my friend actually be interested in Me? Weird.. I was starting to get interested in him.. Really???? WOW.. Each day we would make arrangements to see each other. We went Day camping with my sons.. It felt normal. I've known him for nearly 4 years and my boys knew him and things felt natural. We laughed we talked all hours of the night.. we kept seeing each other.. Then we realized that we were SEEING EACH OTHER!! Oh the first time he and I called each other boyfriend and girlfriend.. HA.. So fun.. and felt so right!! Of course we were. It was so natural it was where we were supposed to be. And because of his work schedule at the time it left A LOT of time that we could spend together. When I would have my boys during the day we would  all go on outings and go on walks go to the park and go shopping even.. Make lunches and dinners together.. and even the occasional sleep over..  OH MY GOODNESS!! This is Right!! We both felt it.. WE both wanted this never to end.. Just KEEEP GOING!!! Yes... Please an Thank you!! Such a Gentleman! We would imagine our lives together forever!.. Then as we were eating our favorite snack at a park (cucumbers and cheese) we lay there with the sun kissing our skin and faces we said to each other what do you think? Should we get married? I mean why not?? (OH WAIT I JUST ENDED A MARRIAGE 5 Months ago.. )  YES I think we should.. I wanted him.. he wanted me.. we wanted to be together. So.. that being said.. we giggled over it.. and moved on.. and it again came up.. and again we felt strongly about it.. WEIRD!! But Awesome!!  we started looking for rings.. just for fun.. I realized I didn't want a Diamond.. I wanted my favorite stone of all.. The Garnet.  We found the perfect ring.. He ordered it.. Oh my goodness.. :D It came to him in the mail.. and he wanted me to see it.. it was perfect and beautiful and exactly what I wanted.. sorta medieval-ish... Perfect!!

I tried it on... but kept my eyes closed so I couldn't see it on my finger.. So when he asks me.. at THAT Moment would be the first time I see it there.. and he said.. "It's exactly right".. I took it off and he put it away..

Weeks passed.. and it was now the end of the month in July .. the 29th day of the year 2012..  I was having just one of those down days.. as we all get.. Joe had to work but he asked if he could come and get me and make me dinner that night and go on a walk.. YES  PLEASE.. :D  I was in need of getting out..  So he made some flat bread from scratch.. (OH he's so good at that) and then I cut up some Cucumbers and really good mozzarella Cheese and drizzled it in olive oil and Balsamic Vinegar with a dash of salt and pepper.. One of our Favorite snack.. seriously!!  On our walk up City Creek Canyon we picked apples off some trees hanging over the sidewalk and even some Grapes.. they were Amazing! We walked maybe a mile up the creek.. Through the water over the rocks and then I saw the perfect place.. Let's eat There!! There was a tree trunk that had fallen and it was huge.. Perfect.. with the water right there.. oh and what looked like a little Green fairy-glade Cove in the water.. it was Sooo fairytale-ish  after I was done eating I walked and ducked under the tree branches to get into that cove that looked so awesome.. and Joe started cleaning up a bit from the food and he said he'll be right there.. Ok.. I was in awe with the water flowing and the occasional dog running along the trail with their owners and sometime the occasional walker/biker.. the smell of the water and the blossoms and Green all around me.. My day had turned around and I was in heaven.. Joe finally came and ducked underneath to join me.. and I looked up.. the sun was just going down and the sky was Bright orange/Pink and Bright blue.. I almost gasped.. and pointed up to show the beautiful sky to Joe.. as I looked from him back up into the sky he raised his hand and in it  was a piece of twine with The Ring tied upon it.. I Gasped again.. out of shock and Awe!! He right then and there said.. Evana .. Will you Marry Me? I said.. NOTHING nothing was coming out!! All I could do is Stare and he quickly said you don't have to say yes.. And then I couldn't stop Nodding.. nodding nodding.. still nothing came out of my mouth.. he then knelt down in the water.. and fianlly I could speak and said YES.. Yes of course!!! I love you Joseph!!  He smiled and put the Ring on my finger!! He came up out of the water off his knee and kissed me ...then the tears fell from my eyes... I am Engaged!!

Is it too soon?? Well for he and I... no.. for the world Probably.. But.. who gives the Timelines to things? Who has the right to say when it's too soon or when it's just right or not soon enough? This isn't his or my first time.. No.. this isn't something that I know nothing about.. but this is the most romantic and magical and most perfect time for me and for Joe. I have fallen in love with an amazing man. Are we without our faults? No.. Neither one of us are.. But I am truly in love with him. I like that we know what to expect and that there is going to be new things that we didn't expect.. we know that we learn and grow from our experiences.. but I know that I'm here to work hard to make our lives together Even BETTER than what we can imagine and even better than what we've had and we look forward to our dreams coming true together.

SO you may be wondering if there is a Date set.. Yep.. there is.. We are Eloping!! Why??? Because it's not about our friends and families being there.. Of course I love you all..  of course you're welcome to come but we are doing a bit of traveling to go make it even more special for us. I love your support sure but support us on our decision to make this Marriage for us! There is less for everyone to think/worry about.. we don't need a big fancy wedding.. we just need Love from you all. Smile in knowing that we are happy..

Times have changed!

YES Times have changed!!

It is now the year 2012.. I was married to an amazing man and father for 12 years 2 months to be exact.. I had the best time living in the life I had and enjoyed every moment I could. What a blessing it is to say that I loved being married as long as I did with whom I was married to. I can say this... I didn't lose a thing by my divorce. I still have my best friend in Matt and we are still raising our children together. Divorce does NOT have to be the end of the road of a relationship. But can be a new fresh beginning to a better life. Both of us just knew it was better if we parted on the bonds of marriage only.. but continue on with our friendship from here on out.

We've shared laughs and tears, hard loses and amazing gains, we've traveled all around and met many great people together. We lived!!

So now what?? Yeah this is the hardest part about it. What do I do? Where do I go? How do I survive in an ever changing world when I never before stepped out INTO it for the past 12 years? Where does a single Mom begin? Find a job?(with no experience in anything) Get a new place to live? (with no income) Make new friendships? (with new people because everyone was OUR friends and now we're no longer an OUR) Get a car?(uh.. probably not happening) What about my children?(I don't even want to think about it)

Yeah the things people don't think about when going through a divorce. . . I don't even know what I like and what I don't like.. what interests me or doesn't. All I know is .. I am going to be ok!

How beautiful it is to turn a new leaf. Sure I'm scared a bit.. ok A LOT.. Sure I hate to think about being alone or with out my Matt.. Sure this all kinda sucks! WHY would I put TOO much time thinking these things if I want to Grow? WHY would I NOT do my best to be HAPPY Right now?? I will continue to do my best and be positive and raise my Boys with love, patience and respect, showing how much I can be honest, a peacemaker, and a helper. And in doing so they will also try and do the same in the future within their own lives. I'm proud of my sons. They are amazing young men who have taught me a lot in my life already. I always tell them.. "Boys... this is the first time that I've been a mom.. I don't know how to be a mom.. I'm not perfect at it.. and I too make mistakes.. there really isn't the perfect way or the perfect guide to make things be the right way all the time" And then my sweet boys usually just say back.. "It's okay mom.. we know.. and we know that you love us... and we love you back!" I did something right with those boys and I'm grateful for that!!

So now.. it's been almost 2 months and I'm getting called on.. (old fashioned way of saying being asked out) It's weird but it has been good. I don't know how to be single and I'm realizing that fast... Where I would automatically hold hands with my ex. I'm finding it difficult not to with a date. Where I would usually scratch the back of his head or rub his shoulder while driving down the road.. now I'm restraining to not do things like that too quickly when before that was just a normal thing and now could be taken wrong or taken like I'm jumping the gun.. Ahhh.. yes WIERD.. I have had to apologize when saying thank you babe or hun or love you.. or when I call him MATT ... AHHH yeah that was awkward..!! (thankfully he understood) ;) needless to say.. I BLUSH out of awkward moments more than out of being TOO Shy!! So with a laugh.. I'll continue my best in meeting new people.. I don't want to give up on Love. HELL NO.. I KNOW it's out there. I know that I want it in my life because I have so much of it to give.

I just hope there is/are gentlemen still out there in the world. I'd love to someday be loved in all the right ways. Let me say this though... I am in NO HURRY!! :D

So yes Times have changed in a very very big way. I'll of course continue with my journey in finding out who I am, where I belong and how I will indeed get to the destination that I am meant for!

I know it's not easy.. but I'm no longer afraid..

Dumping my past!

(Pictures of Me and my sister behind me Go Carting on top and my boys when they see my husband come home from work on bottom... This is me living life in today)


Alright so it's been forever since I've spoken through my finger tips and I've decided to dump a bit more on this page.. I have been living my life trying to find out who I am.. HA... hahahaha... HA HA!! Well what does it matter... if I'm not living in the Right now?? I've been focusing on who I was to find out who I am.. well yes the was matters a little bit but it really doesn't make up who I am now... (my own realization here) So I just got back from a Land Mark Forum.. It's actually pretty cool it's a seminar that I checked out because a close friend of mine suggested it to me.. I went and I actually enjoyed myself and met some amazing people.. EVERYONE has issues and trials right?? OF COURSE they live here on earth!! They're human !! I have come to realize that I don't need to live in the past.. or worry about my future but to live in the NOW and by doing so I'm creating an awesome tomorrow! I have had My AH HA!! Phew it's about time!! So I have felt at peace for... well...no not for a moment but since that night at the forum.. that was Tuesday and today is the Saturday after so it's been 4 whole Days of peace.. How cool is that?? I haven't worried over any small stuff and I actually had a real VEG day and didn't care about the mess that was made or the worry of it... and then that night I cleaned up and made my home beautiful.. it took no time.. it was amazing usually I freak out on the inside and still can't seem to clean anything up in a short amount of time because I'm just so overwhelmed... with thoughts and emotions.. but now..no.. I have none of that.. I have found who I am and I have finally let go of the waste that I've been holding onto.. it's amazing the change that I've felt and my family has even noticed.. it's wonderful!! I haven't even done the course for the Landmark Forum yet but I plan to.. and I look forward to bettering myself more.. I am living life how it is supposed to be... it's amazing and beautiful and I have found joy in sooo many things over the last few days.. I found my awakening.. and I really don't see why I have to let that go.. EVER!! Why hold on to your past?? That doesn't mean you have to forget the good.. or the bad.. it just means you don't have to keep that STORY and FOCUS all energies on that. It just means that you can close that door(with the window to look back on) but not open it to let in the emotion and stress from it.. Ahhhh how nice.. YAY so today I'm going to get up/dress/ and decorate my home for Halloween!! HAHAHA I love this time of year.. to breath in the crisp Autumn air and the smell of fresh fallen leaves and damp ground. Today I choose to Love today! :D

Our Great Adventurous Summer Vacation 2007

Ok This is a bit long and to start…I don’t know what day this was but what I can tell you is that it happened in Late July of 2007…

It was our family Vacation to Yellowstone National Park and my sister in law Krista has a family cabin close to Yellowstone about 30 miles south of the National Park. We got to stay in a camper. (I actually liked that because it felt like we were camping as a family). Anyway we went down to this creek I guess it was called or maybe it was a River. I can’t remember but all I know is that we were going to go kayaking as a family. Ok so here is how it went. We had Grandma Rose and Grandpa Russ on a kayak with Isaac (our oldest son) and Lily (my niece) and the small cooler of food.. Yeah it was packed but I was pretty sure they were going to take it easy. Then on my kayak there was Matt and I with Mickey (our youngest son). Nathan and Krista our bro. and sister in law were out on a blow up paddle boat. Yes the young children had life vests. It was an absolutely beautiful day!!! It was 90 degree weather. The water was cool ok so make that VERY COOL. We were told that the water stayed 52 degrees year round. It came directly from a spring in the mountains. So we began on our journey. The water was crystal clear and was only a few feet deep in some places and around 5 ft in others and we actually had to get out and pull the kayaks across some really tall mounds only about 1 foot deep so matt and I got out till the water was deeper and jumped back in… so anyways we would have these little areas in the water where it would split and come back together and because we could see that ahead of us, matt and I would take the long way around and push ourselves to go, go, go, faster, faster, faster.. then we would pass my in laws up a head of us then we would let them pass us, and it seemed as though our day was so enjoyable. My father in law was taking pictures the whole way. It was definitely worth the effort to capture the moment. We were having a blast. As time went on we were trying to make funny faces for Grandpas picture taking and he would set it down on his lap and paddle a bit and take more pictures.. so we kind of got concerned because we noticed that we’d left Nathan and Krista way far behind us.. so we slowed a bit and finally saw them coming around the corner but as I yelled forward to Mom and Dad they were slowing down too.. and as Dad looked back mom said you just dropped your camera.. I saw it too.. He dropped it out of the Kayak and into the RIVER.. AHHH so what was the LOGICAL thing to do? Well I’m on it.. I with out even thinking or taking off my outer clothing.. JUMPED into that what was it?? 52 degree water and swam after it.. little did I know that I was in a current… and my heart almost stopped because of the COLD but no I was determined to be WONDER WOMEN TODAY!! So I caught myself on some long grass on the side of the bank and the now highly fast flowing water.. I pulled myself into a little cove and found that the camera which was inside it’s RED case had gone in there as well.. so I reached for it and grabbed it. I then looked around trying to stand now on the ever gushing MUD under my feet and realized that my husband couldn’t come back to get me… he was WAY down the River.. Hmmm I couldn’t even see Nathan and Krista not that I would fit inside their little tiny boat so what did I do?? I DIDN’T think again.. and I Jumped in the water yelling PLEASE STOP DOWN THERE I’LL CATCH UP WHEN I CAN. So my very COLD body began to swim with all it’s might to catch up to my husband.. and it’s not like the water was 2 feet here it happened to be well over my head by now so I couldn’t take a break and walk a while.. It was deep and COLD but I HAD THAT camera out of the water as I swam.. I eventually got to the Kayak and climbed on board. Ah relaxation.. and NO TOWEL. I took off my sweats that I was wearing and shirt and was sitting in my swimming suit hoping the SUN would warm me up quickly. We then brought the camera to mom and dad and he quickly took everything out of it.. batteries and the memory card and all.. then I felt it.. one, then two, then 10.. It was sprinkling.. Oh no.. so matt and I thought I wonder where Nathan and Krista are.. We went back for them. By the time we found them it was raining.. and in no time we got them attached to our Kayak and pulled them a long with us.. Faster and faster the rain fell.. then it began to hurt as they pelted our skin so I threw my wet shirt over my poor little Mickey’s head and went faster.. It had begun to HAIL!! No more sun.. just DARK BLACK CLOUDS.. I swear they were laughing at us. Then we decided that we NEEDED to get out of that water and FAST we found a dock and jumped out. We put the little boat over our heads while Nathan and Matt went to find mom and dad and the kids.. We sat there and were frozen I believe the temp dropped about 20 degrees. We shivered together cuddled up together as Mickey Cried I’m gonna Die.. I couldn’t help but to chuckle.. Even getting out of the water that’s all he said.. I’m gonna die and I would assure him that the water was only 2 ½ feet deep and he wouldn’t be dying.. Everything will be ok.. so Krista and I laughed and said WOW what an adventure.. so as we waited I faintly heard my name being called.. I looked out from our boat and saw matt maybe 10 ft away and barely heard his yelling.. we quickly got our things and RAN.. WE had to trek through the woods and through peoples cabins that were empty and grown over.. and found our way to mom and dad Isaac and lily. They were all under a back porch of a cabin. It was very tiny and looked so funny to see everyone huddled together.. The rain began to slow and the hail part at least stopped.. so we decided that it was time for lunch. We ate sandwiches and chips and cheetos(my favorite) we decided that as we saw some of the sun come out we would HURRY and try to get to the end of our journey so we all jumped back into the river and our kayaks and found we only had 20 mins left.. OH what an adventure we’d had. I hope our Boys will never forget that experience as long as they live. I swear for me that was the best Family Vacation of a life time thus far. We were safe and sound but got a great experience together as a family.