Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Therapy

So I think I need help... But... Don't we all?

Stresses of this world just throw themselves upon us don't they?... And when we're not ready for it. I never thought that I would have to go to therapy... again... but now,  I do every week..  I go and talk to a stranger about the things that I think that I can handle on my own but I can't.. so I do... I go.. I tell him about my childhood.. I tell him about my teenage-hood.. about how early I got married and had children and traveled around the world.. I tell him about the struggles that I went through with my 1st marriage and how I've gotten divorced and quickly found love again and traveled some more... And how I quickly remarried and immediately go through hardships... immediately... never being able to catch up or feel secure just wanting to breath wanting love and then another fast ball is thrown at me.. another curve ball that I need to hit somehow.  I'm tired.. I'm exhausted.. I do so much... so so much. All I want to do is express myself fully but here, here people get their asses hurt their pride is hurt. There ego is hurt. I feel as though I could see several different perspectives.. well maybe that's because I have at least three different personalities that I know of myself. Maybe we all have several personalities that make us up into who we are. Though I've given a name to all of mine. Evana is known as the emotional one. Evana is the one that takes everything upon herself and cannot stop the tears. Evana is the one that's always been hurt, taken advantage of, violated, molested, raped, abused, scared, uncertain, but damn loving.... but she is probably the strongest woman in this world because she has gone through all of this and she is still here. Somehow.. (Surprised?) Well my second personality is Evie, Nessie, Ivy Jane... she's the one that everybody loves. She has a lot of different nicknames. Whoever wants to call her whatever they want to call her she is so agreeable, so fun, so alive, adventurous, unafraid, funny, creative and the only one of my personalities that everybody wants. She keeps us all together. She sees the light and strength in everything and everyone. She's strong because her emotions don't override her.. she sees the bright clear picture though she's not always in control. Nope...Now the third is Eve. She is the mother, the protecter, she has your back... She's the balancer, the organizer, the listening ear, The mamma bear. She has some strong not usually sad emotions but she is a strong willed woman. All three are incredible women... all in one. I'm an incredible woman who goes through a lot of crap who has a lot of Trials, but I unusually keep them quiet so that other people see whatever they like to see. I have survived abuse. I have survived rape. I have survived several moments of wanting to give up on my life. I have survived through heartache. I have survived through being cheated on. I have survived through being lied to over and over and over again. I have survived through fears and uncertainties. I have become a woman!
I have also seen incredible beauty beyond what I have thought possible to see.. I have experienced the feelings of deep connecting love. I have seen the beauties of this earth and smelled the incredible fragrances of life. I have felt bliss and contentment and can see clear pictures of a possible incredible future. That is what drives me to find my success in my life...

Therapy has helped me to the point of letting me puke up my insides to another person who can't stop me but can only listen.. all the while, I pay them.

I'm a fighter..
It sucks because of my challenges in my life. I have taught myself to have a voice. I have taught myself to fight back and do not take crap anymore. I do take a strong stand for myself finally but in doing so, I have stepped beyond the bounds of trust in others. So many times over I fall back and apologise. For being overly strong.. Ugh Evana comes out at all the wrong times... and then I realize I'm not as strong as I think I am and then I just want to scream and be heard.. be validated.. be understood.. It's a dying circle... but in my flailing hurt/upset/pride/survival mode I have forgotten that they too want to be heard. I just want them to know that they caused me to be a woman who wants to stand her ground and protect herself and that I'm still on my way to figuring it all out and to just freaking give me a fair breath and chance to sort it out. I have come along a huge journey desperately wanting someone to see how far I've come and to take my hand and walk along with me. Instead of being hurt. I want someone to lift me up and encourage me and SEE how far I've come and just hold my hand in the process of becoming a better woman. How do I expect something like that? How do I heal? How do I become secure and Trust again? How do I do the same for others when I need it too? My trust has been violated. My understanding has been muddied, and my love has been taken for granted and taken advantage of.  Again, I ask... How do I trust Again?  Especially when I have been told that it Will happen Again? I'm deeply in-love with an idea... Our idea.... Our awesome plans.... Our hopes and dreams.... So I'm still here in Hope.

So... This Therapy thing... What is it? Does it help?..... Does it really?


Friday, August 17, 2012

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.

Have you ever wanted to just WRITE?? No vision no path no inspiration but just write to see where you might go with it? Yeah Me too! ..

My life has been an adventure!!

So lets skip the Oh so tragic 0-20 years of my life.. I got married.. Young. Age 20.. I loved it.. It was for the most part Amazing and I wouldn't have complained much if I stayed married..I gained 2 amazing little Men out of that marriage. My sons.  They are exactly what I needed.. YAY.. In fact.. in this marriage I would have lived day in and day out Just Doing.. Just being.. Just.. being Just...I'm grateful that we actually openly discussed getting divorced because then I finally woke up to the realization that I WAS Just being Just and said.. YES Let's let go and move on to better ourselves. We didn't tell too many people at first then the oh yeah Facebook had to tell the rest... I'm still getting stragglers saying WHAT??? You're divorced?? When did that happen.. ??? It happened 12 years and 2 months exactly after we were married!

I dated a handful of people after my divorce because I felt like if I didn't jump into dating I wouldn't Ever!!.. I was scared that I would mess it all up.. cuz after divorce EVEN WHEN you are friends when it ends.. there are still moments when you're down and where you blame yourself and where you miss your partner.. Yup even me. Matt was just fine.. but I bet he had his moments too. I guess he was ready to move on.. he found someone quicker than both of us imagined and they are VERY Happy!! YAY!! I'm so happy for him..truly.. I thought the same thing for me.. Oh man I thought YES ME TOO!! I started to date a man named Chris.  In fact he was a great man.. I dated him and felt HORRIBLY confused when I felt an overwhelming feeling to break up with him.. (Devastation hit HARD) WHAT??? WHY??? I can say that I felt absolute love for him. And he felt the same.. Ok now what?? I'm alone again and worried and then felt.."yup no more love in my life".. I guess I'm not ready for it.. which is ok.. I'm in no hurry.. BUT I guess my creator had different ideas.. An old friend of mine I recently heard had gotten a divorce nearly a year ago.. and now.. it's been nearly 3 months after my Divorce and I just happened to talk with him.. we went to lunch to catch up.. he heard about my break up. He had even a couple weeks before, meet Chris and was truly happy for me.. and I was happy for him moving on and he too had a girlfriend. After talking to him, I found out he as well had an overwhelming feeling to break up with the girl he was seeing.. (sounds like a theme going on here) WHAT?? No way!! Well still we didn't get excited about that but we started talking more.. we could understand where we both were coming from.. and we seriously didn't run out of things to talk about. That was actually really nice.

We started seeing each other as often as we could. Could this be?? Could my friend actually be interested in Me? Weird.. I was starting to get interested in him.. Really???? WOW.. Each day we would make arrangements to see each other. We went Day camping with my sons.. It felt normal. I've known him for nearly 4 years and my boys knew him and things felt natural. We laughed we talked all hours of the night.. we kept seeing each other.. Then we realized that we were SEEING EACH OTHER!! Oh the first time he and I called each other boyfriend and girlfriend.. HA.. So fun.. and felt so right!! Of course we were. It was so natural it was where we were supposed to be. And because of his work schedule at the time it left A LOT of time that we could spend together. When I would have my boys during the day we would  all go on outings and go on walks go to the park and go shopping even.. Make lunches and dinners together.. and even the occasional sleep over..  OH MY GOODNESS!! This is Right!! We both felt it.. WE both wanted this never to end.. Just KEEEP GOING!!! Yes... Please an Thank you!! Such a Gentleman! We would imagine our lives together forever!.. Then as we were eating our favorite snack at a park (cucumbers and cheese) we lay there with the sun kissing our skin and faces we said to each other what do you think? Should we get married? I mean why not?? (OH WAIT I JUST ENDED A MARRIAGE 5 Months ago.. )  YES I think we should.. I wanted him.. he wanted me.. we wanted to be together. So.. that being said.. we giggled over it.. and moved on.. and it again came up.. and again we felt strongly about it.. WEIRD!! But Awesome!!  we started looking for rings.. just for fun.. I realized I didn't want a Diamond.. I wanted my favorite stone of all.. The Garnet.  We found the perfect ring.. He ordered it.. Oh my goodness.. :D It came to him in the mail.. and he wanted me to see it.. it was perfect and beautiful and exactly what I wanted.. sorta medieval-ish... Perfect!!

I tried it on... but kept my eyes closed so I couldn't see it on my finger.. So when he asks me.. at THAT Moment would be the first time I see it there.. and he said.. "It's exactly right".. I took it off and he put it away..

Weeks passed.. and it was now the end of the month in July .. the 29th day of the year 2012..  I was having just one of those down days.. as we all get.. Joe had to work but he asked if he could come and get me and make me dinner that night and go on a walk.. YES  PLEASE.. :D  I was in need of getting out..  So he made some flat bread from scratch.. (OH he's so good at that) and then I cut up some Cucumbers and really good mozzarella Cheese and drizzled it in olive oil and Balsamic Vinegar with a dash of salt and pepper.. One of our Favorite snack.. seriously!!  On our walk up City Creek Canyon we picked apples off some trees hanging over the sidewalk and even some Grapes.. they were Amazing! We walked maybe a mile up the creek.. Through the water over the rocks and then I saw the perfect place.. Let's eat There!! There was a tree trunk that had fallen and it was huge.. Perfect.. with the water right there.. oh and what looked like a little Green fairy-glade Cove in the water.. it was Sooo fairytale-ish  after I was done eating I walked and ducked under the tree branches to get into that cove that looked so awesome.. and Joe started cleaning up a bit from the food and he said he'll be right there.. Ok.. I was in awe with the water flowing and the occasional dog running along the trail with their owners and sometime the occasional walker/biker.. the smell of the water and the blossoms and Green all around me.. My day had turned around and I was in heaven.. Joe finally came and ducked underneath to join me.. and I looked up.. the sun was just going down and the sky was Bright orange/Pink and Bright blue.. I almost gasped.. and pointed up to show the beautiful sky to Joe.. as I looked from him back up into the sky he raised his hand and in it  was a piece of twine with The Ring tied upon it.. I Gasped again.. out of shock and Awe!! He right then and there said.. Evana .. Will you Marry Me? I said.. NOTHING nothing was coming out!! All I could do is Stare and he quickly said you don't have to say yes.. And then I couldn't stop Nodding.. nodding nodding.. still nothing came out of my mouth.. he then knelt down in the water.. and fianlly I could speak and said YES.. Yes of course!!! I love you Joseph!!  He smiled and put the Ring on my finger!! He came up out of the water off his knee and kissed me ...then the tears fell from my eyes... I am Engaged!!

Is it too soon?? Well for he and I... no.. for the world Probably.. But.. who gives the Timelines to things? Who has the right to say when it's too soon or when it's just right or not soon enough? This isn't his or my first time.. No.. this isn't something that I know nothing about.. but this is the most romantic and magical and most perfect time for me and for Joe. I have fallen in love with an amazing man. Are we without our faults? No.. Neither one of us are.. But I am truly in love with him. I like that we know what to expect and that there is going to be new things that we didn't expect.. we know that we learn and grow from our experiences.. but I know that I'm here to work hard to make our lives together Even BETTER than what we can imagine and even better than what we've had and we look forward to our dreams coming true together.

SO you may be wondering if there is a Date set.. Yep.. there is.. We are Eloping!! Why??? Because it's not about our friends and families being there.. Of course I love you all..  of course you're welcome to come but we are doing a bit of traveling to go make it even more special for us. I love your support sure but support us on our decision to make this Marriage for us! There is less for everyone to think/worry about.. we don't need a big fancy wedding.. we just need Love from you all. Smile in knowing that we are happy..



Monday, March 19, 2012

Times have changed!

YES Times have changed!!

It is now the year 2012.. I was married to an amazing man and father for 12 years 2 months to be exact.. I had the best time living in the life I had and enjoyed every moment I could. What a blessing it is to say that I loved being married as long as I did with whom I was married to. I can say this... I didn't lose a thing by my divorce. I still have my best friend in Matt and we are still raising our children together. Divorce does NOT have to be the end of the road of a relationship. But can be a new fresh beginning to a better life. Both of us just knew it was better if we parted on the bonds of marriage only.. but continue on with our friendship from here on out.

We've shared laughs and tears, hard loses and amazing gains, we've traveled all around and met many great people together. We lived!!

So now what?? Yeah this is the hardest part about it. What do I do? Where do I go? How do I survive in an ever changing world when I never before stepped out INTO it for the past 12 years? Where does a single Mom begin? Find a job?(with no experience in anything) Get a new place to live? (with no income) Make new friendships? (with new people because everyone was OUR friends and now we're no longer an OUR) Get a car?(uh.. probably not happening) What about my children?(I don't even want to think about it)

Yeah the things people don't think about when going through a divorce. . . I don't even know what I like and what I don't like.. what interests me or doesn't. All I know is .. I am going to be ok!

How beautiful it is to turn a new leaf. Sure I'm scared a bit.. ok A LOT.. Sure I hate to think about being alone or with out my Matt.. Sure this all kinda sucks! WHY would I put TOO much time thinking these things if I want to Grow? WHY would I NOT do my best to be HAPPY Right now?? I will continue to do my best and be positive and raise my Boys with love, patience and respect, showing how much I can be honest, a peacemaker, and a helper. And in doing so they will also try and do the same in the future within their own lives. I'm proud of my sons. They are amazing young men who have taught me a lot in my life already. I always tell them.. "Boys... this is the first time that I've been a mom.. I don't know how to be a mom.. I'm not perfect at it.. and I too make mistakes.. there really isn't the perfect way or the perfect guide to make things be the right way all the time" And then my sweet boys usually just say back.. "It's okay mom.. we know.. and we know that you love us... and we love you back!" I did something right with those boys and I'm grateful for that!!

So now.. it's been almost 2 months and I'm getting called on.. (old fashioned way of saying being asked out) It's weird but it has been good. I don't know how to be single and I'm realizing that fast... Where I would automatically hold hands with my ex. I'm finding it difficult not to with a date. Where I would usually scratch the back of his head or rub his shoulder while driving down the road.. now I'm restraining to not do things like that too quickly when before that was just a normal thing and now could be taken wrong or taken like I'm jumping the gun.. Ahhh.. yes WIERD.. I have had to apologize when saying thank you babe or hun or love you.. or when I call him MATT ... AHHH yeah that was awkward..!! (thankfully he understood) ;) needless to say.. I BLUSH out of awkward moments more than out of being TOO Shy!! So with a laugh.. I'll continue my best in meeting new people.. I don't want to give up on Love. HELL NO.. I KNOW it's out there. I know that I want it in my life because I have so much of it to give.
I just hope there is/are gentlemen still out there in the world. I'd love to someday be loved in all the right ways. Let me say this though... I am in NO HURRY!! :D

So yes Times have changed in a very very big way. I'll of course continue with my journey in finding out who I am, where I belong and how I will indeed get to the destination that I am meant for!

I know it's not easy.. but I'm no longer afraid..











Saturday, October 17, 2009

Dumping my past!


(Pictures of Me and my sister behind me Go Carting on top and my boys when they see my husband come home from work on bottom... This is me living life in today)


Alright so it's been forever since I've spoken through my finger tips and I've decided to dump a bit more on this page.. I have been living my life trying to find out who I am.. HA... hahahaha... HA HA!! Well what does it matter... if I'm not living in the Right now?? I've been focusing on who I was to find out who I am.. well yes the was matters a little bit but it really doesn't make up who I am now... (my own realization here) So I just got back from a Land Mark Forum.. It's actually pretty cool it's a seminar that I checked out because a close friend of mine suggested it to me.. I went and I actually enjoyed myself and met some amazing people.. EVERYONE has issues and trials right?? OF COURSE they live here on earth!! They're human !! I have come to realize that I don't need to live in the past.. or worry about my future but to live in the NOW and by doing so I'm creating an awesome tomorrow! I have had My AH HA!! Phew it's about time!! So I have felt at peace for... well...no not for a moment but since that night at the forum.. that was Tuesday and today is the Saturday after so it's been 4 whole Days of peace.. How cool is that?? I haven't worried over any small stuff and I actually had a real VEG day and didn't care about the mess that was made or the worry of it... and then that night I cleaned up and made my home beautiful.. it took no time.. it was amazing usually I freak out on the inside and still can't seem to clean anything up in a short amount of time because I'm just so overwhelmed... with thoughts and emotions.. but now..no.. I have none of that.. I have found who I am and I have finally let go of the waste that I've been holding onto.. it's amazing the change that I've felt and my family has even noticed.. it's wonderful!! I haven't even done the course for the Landmark Forum yet but I plan to.. and I look forward to bettering myself more.. I am living life how it is supposed to be... it's amazing and beautiful and I have found joy in sooo many things over the last few days.. I found my awakening.. and I really don't see why I have to let that go.. EVER!! Why hold on to your past?? That doesn't mean you have to forget the good.. or the bad.. it just means you don't have to keep that STORY and FOCUS all energies on that. It just means that you can close that door(with the window to look back on) but not open it to let in the emotion and stress from it.. Ahhhh how nice.. YAY so today I'm going to get up/dress/ and decorate my home for Halloween!! HAHAHA I love this time of year.. to breath in the crisp Autumn air and the smell of fresh fallen leaves and damp ground. Today I choose to Love today! :D

Friday, August 1, 2008

Our Great Adventurous Summer Vacation 2007


Ok This is a bit long and to start…I don’t know what day this was but what I can tell you is that it happened in Late July of 2007…

It was our family Vacation to Yellowstone National Park and my sister in law Krista has a family cabin close to Yellowstone about 30 miles south of the National Park. We got to stay in a camper. (I actually liked that because it felt like we were camping as a family). Anyway we went down to this creek I guess it was called or maybe it was a River. I can’t remember but all I know is that we were going to go kayaking as a family. Ok so here is how it went. We had Grandma Rose and Grandpa Russ on a kayak with Isaac (our oldest son) and Lily (my niece) and the small cooler of food.. Yeah it was packed but I was pretty sure they were going to take it easy. Then on my kayak there was Matt and I with Mickey (our youngest son). Nathan and Krista our bro. and sister in law were out on a blow up paddle boat. Yes the young children had life vests. It was an absolutely beautiful day!!! It was 90 degree weather. The water was cool ok so make that VERY COOL. We were told that the water stayed 52 degrees year round. It came directly from a spring in the mountains. So we began on our journey. The water was crystal clear and was only a few feet deep in some places and around 5 ft in others and we actually had to get out and pull the kayaks across some really tall mounds only about 1 foot deep so matt and I got out till the water was deeper and jumped back in… so anyways we would have these little areas in the water where it would split and come back together and because we could see that ahead of us, matt and I would take the long way around and push ourselves to go, go, go, faster, faster, faster.. then we would pass my in laws up a head of us then we would let them pass us, and it seemed as though our day was so enjoyable. My father in law was taking pictures the whole way. It was definitely worth the effort to capture the moment. We were having a blast. As time went on we were trying to make funny faces for Grandpas picture taking and he would set it down on his lap and paddle a bit and take more pictures.. so we kind of got concerned because we noticed that we’d left Nathan and Krista way far behind us.. so we slowed a bit and finally saw them coming around the corner but as I yelled forward to Mom and Dad they were slowing down too.. and as Dad looked back mom said you just dropped your camera.. I saw it too.. He dropped it out of the Kayak and into the RIVER.. AHHH so what was the LOGICAL thing to do? Well I’m on it.. I with out even thinking or taking off my outer clothing.. JUMPED into that what was it?? 52 degree water and swam after it.. little did I know that I was in a current… and my heart almost stopped because of the COLD but no I was determined to be WONDER WOMEN TODAY!! So I caught myself on some long grass on the side of the bank and the now highly fast flowing water.. I pulled myself into a little cove and found that the camera which was inside it’s RED case had gone in there as well.. so I reached for it and grabbed it. I then looked around trying to stand now on the ever gushing MUD under my feet and realized that my husband couldn’t come back to get me… he was WAY down the River.. Hmmm I couldn’t even see Nathan and Krista not that I would fit inside their little tiny boat so what did I do?? I DIDN’T think again.. and I Jumped in the water yelling PLEASE STOP DOWN THERE I’LL CATCH UP WHEN I CAN. So my very COLD body began to swim with all it’s might to catch up to my husband.. and it’s not like the water was 2 feet here it happened to be well over my head by now so I couldn’t take a break and walk a while.. It was deep and COLD but I HAD THAT camera out of the water as I swam.. I eventually got to the Kayak and climbed on board. Ah relaxation.. and NO TOWEL. I took off my sweats that I was wearing and shirt and was sitting in my swimming suit hoping the SUN would warm me up quickly. We then brought the camera to mom and dad and he quickly took everything out of it.. batteries and the memory card and all.. then I felt it.. one, then two, then 10.. It was sprinkling.. Oh no.. so matt and I thought I wonder where Nathan and Krista are.. We went back for them. By the time we found them it was raining.. and in no time we got them attached to our Kayak and pulled them a long with us.. Faster and faster the rain fell.. then it began to hurt as they pelted our skin so I threw my wet shirt over my poor little Mickey’s head and went faster.. It had begun to HAIL!! No more sun.. just DARK BLACK CLOUDS.. I swear they were laughing at us. Then we decided that we NEEDED to get out of that water and FAST we found a dock and jumped out. We put the little boat over our heads while Nathan and Matt went to find mom and dad and the kids.. We sat there and were frozen I believe the temp dropped about 20 degrees. We shivered together cuddled up together as Mickey Cried I’m gonna Die.. I couldn’t help but to chuckle.. Even getting out of the water that’s all he said.. I’m gonna die and I would assure him that the water was only 2 ½ feet deep and he wouldn’t be dying.. Everything will be ok.. so Krista and I laughed and said WOW what an adventure.. so as we waited I faintly heard my name being called.. I looked out from our boat and saw matt maybe 10 ft away and barely heard his yelling.. we quickly got our things and RAN.. WE had to trek through the woods and through peoples cabins that were empty and grown over.. and found our way to mom and dad Isaac and lily. They were all under a back porch of a cabin. It was very tiny and looked so funny to see everyone huddled together.. The rain began to slow and the hail part at least stopped.. so we decided that it was time for lunch. We ate sandwiches and chips and cheetos(my favorite) we decided that as we saw some of the sun come out we would HURRY and try to get to the end of our journey so we all jumped back into the river and our kayaks and found we only had 20 mins left.. OH what an adventure we’d had. I hope our Boys will never forget that experience as long as they live. I swear for me that was the best Family Vacation of a life time thus far. We were safe and sound but got a great experience together as a family.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Blue is in

Ok so 2 nights ago my husband asked me to bleach his hair and dye it blue. (I have no experience in this) so I said... OK!!! :D I had no idea how to do this but I tried anyways... I had the bowl and brush for it.. and combs and... Uh... BALLS so.. I did it. I got the foils ready and prayed.. One section at a time. Fear in my eyes and yet I continued. My husband kept telling me don't worry if it looks bad I'll just shave it.. ( that didn't help) then I said if it looks bad I'll be going to the store and getting brown hair dye.. YOU'RE NOT SHAVING IT!! I continued... I put 9 foils in. I took them out after about 25-30 mins. And I couldn't stop smiling.. and told my husband ... I hope you still love me... hahaha It looked AMAZING!!! I swear I was going to die but it turned out great!! Then.. I dried his hair and he looked at it and couldn't stop acting all cocky... He loved it!! Then... The blue!!! I got the foils out again and added blue to the tips of his hair... I finished and he couldn't stop Jumping all over the place.. ok so maybe not.. but... he loved it. So now he has.. brown root... blond tips but... at the very end.. BRIGHT BLUE.. it's so cool... He said.. YAY you've made my life long dream come true. HA!! He's wanted his hair like this since high school and finally it had come true!! He looks hot!!

He did my hair too but we haven't added the color yet.. I think I'll be going Green. :D I guess it's the midlife crisis thing? NAhhhh.... I've done this all my life.. still doing it but.. Matt... it maybe his midlife crisis.. He's so dang cute!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

What should have been Great but Turned into One of the worst days that I can remember... EVER!!


Ok so here is a story of mine that I have found just recently of an event that had happened to me early last Summer and will explain how clumsy and sad my life really is. Now these things happen to me sorta often and it's just plain sad...
Ok.. here it is... You may want to sit down for this or else you may just fall on the floor with laughter.

June 6th, 2007

It was my sons last day of school. (he's in Kindergarten) SO...
today was a very very important and exciting awards day. First
things first ....It's raining HARD.... I woke up late and got my son to school 10 mins after his school started. Then drove my husband to work.. LATE.... on the
way home my youngest son puked in the car twice... So I had to
rush home to change him and run to my sons school in time for
the awards ceremony... I got to the school (still raining)..
There is NO PARKING... I had to park '2' blocks away and RUN in
the rain with my sick son. I finally got there.. as I was coming
into the school I stubbed my toe and tried not to stop... finally
got in to the Gym no place to sit of course....and had already
MISSED the WHOLE CEREMONY.... YES My son got an award and a medal
and I wasn't there to see. I also ran out of gas in my car and my
cell phone died. I got to call my husband right before it died
thankfully in tears and ask if I could come for lunch and HE had
ALREADY STARTED to eat lunch. BUT stopped quickly..... I came to
him with tears running down my face we went to lunch I dropped him
back off and I left. THEN... My son puked IN THE CAR AGAIN. I
couldn't help but to laugh at that point... I came home... Then
later with my husband we cleaned his office and mean while my cat
came by and (he didn't wipe and i didn't know it) I accidentally
put my hand in a bit if his mess that he left on the floor next
to me and I didn't feel it and rubbed my nose.. and wiped his..
(YES!!!!!!) ON MY FACE!!!!!!!!! I freaked out, started yelling!!!

AND TO TOP IT OFF!!! I've been loosing weight just recently and ALL
DAY LONG MY PANTS HAVE BEEN FALLING OFF OF MY BUTT!!! LITERALLY!!!
I am thoroughly humiliated and disgusted and I'm sure I can't drop
any farther than I already have... TODAY!!!
Just slap a kick me sign on my back and call it a day!!!