What should have been a Great day Turned into One hard sad crazy and funny but not so funny days that I can remember!!

Ok so here is a story of mine that I have found just recently of an event that had happened to me early last Summer and will explain how clumsy and sad my life really is. Now these things happen to me sorta often and it's just plain sad...
Ok.. here it is... You may want to sit down for this or else you may just fall on the floor with laughter.
June 6th, 2007

It was my sons last day of school. (he's in Kindergarten) SO...
today was a very very important and exciting awards day. First
things first ....It's raining HARD.... I woke up late and got my son to school 10 mins after his school started. Then drove my husband to work.. LATE.... on the
way home my youngest son puked in the car twice... So I had to
rush home to change him and run to my sons school in time for
the awards ceremony... I got to the school (still raining)..
There is NO PARKING... I had to park '2' blocks away and RUN in
the rain with my sick son. I finally got there.. as I was coming
into the school I stubbed my toe and tried not to stop... finally
got in to the Gym no place to sit of course....and had already
MISSED the WHOLE CEREMONY.... YES My son got an award and a medal
and I wasn't there to see. I also ran out of gas in my car and my
cell phone died. I got to call my husband right before it died
thankfully in tears and ask if I could come for lunch and HE had
ALREADY STARTED to eat lunch. BUT stopped quickly..... I came to
him with tears running down my face we went to lunch I dropped him
back off and I left. THEN... My son puked IN THE CAR AGAIN. I
couldn't help but to laugh at that point... I came home... Then
later with my husband we cleaned his office and mean while my cat
came by and (he didn't wipe and i didn't know it) I accidentally
put my hand in a bit if his mess that he left on the floor next
to me and I didn't feel it and rubbed my nose.. and wiped his..
(YES!!!!!!) ON MY FACE!!!!!!!!! I freaked out, started yelling!!!

AND TO TOP IT OFF!!! I've been loosing weight just recently and ALL
DAY LONG MY PANTS HAVE BEEN FALLING OFF OF MY BUTT!!! LITERALLY!!!
I am thoroughly humiliated and disgusted and I'm sure I can't drop
any farther than I already have... TODAY!!!
Just slap a kick me sign on my back and call it a day!!!

My 7 year old best and worst day ever!

Ok so it's been forever since I wrote anything here in my Blog. I have struggled with
this story all of my life and Yes I know I am supposed to write it but I don't want
to. It's like I've been hiding from the fact that I too am human. I hurt.. I
feel.. I even cry.. AND I know that I can not always fix my problems...
but I do like to try. Even when I can get hurt all over again in the process but hey here I
am. I've tried to avoid this story and have long enough. I need to get this out!!

I was 7 years old. It was August 19th 1987. [20 years ago actually] I was so
excited because my crush Paul R. and his brother Tom came over to our home
for dinner. I had been anticipating this day for a long time just so that I
could be at 'MY' Home with Paul and have fun and show him that I was cool
or what ever it is that 7 year old girls like to show off in front of her
little crush does. We had a perfect day. I was so happy and we were allowed to
drive them back home even though we had too many people in the car I so
wanted to go. So I did! We drove from Kingston to Saugerties N.Y. which was
about 15 mins of driving time on the back roads.. instead of the Thruway. We
wanted to save that 15 cents or what ever it was back then. I was wearing a
little orange jump suit shorts thing.. You know the type that we wore in the 80's. A little
jumpsuits that tied over the shoulders? And the material was fuzzy almost
like towel material. Well. I was looking all great and felt wonderful.
We said good bye as we dropped them off and I of course smiled my biggest
(I'm sure toothless) smile and waved to him/them as they climbed out of the car. They
smiled back and said thank you. I was in my own little heaven. What a
perfect day that was. It must have been about 9 or 9:30pm when we dropped them off just barely light out and then when we were coming back it was time for the sky to be getting dark finally. We were again coming back home the same way through the back roads.
I believe that it had started to sprinkle so the roads were just a bit moist.. and to us it looked as
though a couple cars up ahead of us were swerving on the road we held back a bit just in
case. We saw a truck Way up in front of us but off to the side of the road kind of
on a pull off spot and it was parked. And before we knew it.. A car coming
the other direction was also swerving a bit and got too close to that truck
and hit it hard... the truck spinned and then the car that was swerving on
our side hit it as well.. All I could hear was my dad saying.. uh oh.. uh
oh.. oh boy.. there's a big accident..
I tried to see what was happening..but I couldn't see anything yet..
Then I saw as we got closer... The truck and the two cars...
I said "what happened daddy?" He said, "I believe that two drunk drivers hit
that truck.." I was shocked.. He then pulled through a small opening on the
road through the vehicles and parked his car a bit past the accident and we
saw so much more than what we thought had happened. Dad got out of the car.
There were lots of cars lining up now behind both sides of the accident.
People were getting out of their cars trying to see what was going on.
My dad looked inside the car to us and said.. scoot over kids.. My brother Harry and I were in
the back seat and Jonny was sitting up front. I was in the middle and he was on the passenger
side. He said I'll switch with you.. I was grateful. I quickly jumped over to the window side and
we gave room for someone else. I looked out the window and we saw a frantic man standing
there with something lifeless in his arms. He was pleading for help from anyone. "Please !!!
please help me !!! Please someone help!!!" He was yelling. I looked around from car to
car and people were gasping and holding their mouths... and eyes.. trying to
look away. I remember a woman in particular that had a very nice car and plenty of room but
"looked" like she was getting sick and to me it felt like she couldn't help. I remember my heart
sinking and my stomach getting sick. I didn't know why people were turning away till I saw this
man myself. He was covered in blood. He was holding his child.. a little boy who was going on 3
years old in his arms.(This is what had happened...)

What had happened was, This man and his son had gone fishing they had been in the sun all
day and it was a nice warm day. They had gotting back in their truck and were
resting up a bit before heading back home. This little boys name is Bruce (I
can't remember the fathers name) So Bruce was not in his car seat yet or a
seatbelt. The windows were rolled down and the truck was not turned on yet.
So Bruce was just playing on the seat as his dad was sitting back and
resting. And all of a sudden they had gotten hit by the first drunk driver.
At that very moment, Bruce was flung out of the window. The second drunk driver
came and hit the truck again and the truck had moved in such a way that the
back tire had landed right on pour little Bruces' stomach and ribcage. The
entire trucks weight. This man jumped out of that truck so fast ...and with his
own strength had moved the truck off of his son. This is about the same time
that we had passed by the accident. My father had seen this man pick up his
son into his arms and run toward the crowd of cars and people. This is the
time that he told us to move over. We were driving in a little white 5
seater Honda. As the man yelled out for help Dad yelled back to him.. OVER
HERE!!!! This man came running toward us. We told him we'll get him to the
closest hospital. Which was Kingston Hospital. (Right across the street from
my home)he jumped in and the first thing that I noticed was that they had
been wearing suntan lotion(you know the type that smells like coconut?) It
was extremely strong and it dripped through my senses mixed with the smell
of blood. I remembered having them in the car made our windows very fogged
up because of the breathing and movement. This man laid his son across the laps of my
brother Harry and me and of course himself. I only held his feet. Then he started doing
CPR on his little son. He kept pushing on his chest and breathing in his
mouth.He kept yelling at his son.. COME ON.. BREATH... COME ON... I kept
pulling my body away from my brother and pushing myself closer against the
window and door on my side of the car. I rolled down the window slowly just enough to
move some air around in the car. I was suffocating on the smell. I was
silent. I remember looking out my window a lot then hearing a little voice that said,
"Daddy"...And then nothing.. he didn't move anymore..Bruces dad said..
NO!!!!!I'm trying son.. I'm trying.. you'll be ok.. And then yelling are we
close?? please hurry... !!! I held back everything and finally looked over to
the little boy and noticed that he had a shoe missing. I kept thinking.. Why
doesn't he have his shoe.. He needs his other shoe. We kept speeding as
carefully as we could to get to the hospital. I have never seen so many red
lights and then going through them when it was safe to. I kept hoping we
would get there faster. I didn't know what to do. I tried everything I could
not to THINK. Not to talk.. and not to move. I didn't know if rolling down
the window would make someone yell at me or offend someone else. I didn't
know the reactions of others if I tried to move away if someone would be
offended that I didn't want to touch bruces feet. EVERYTHING to me went
extremely slow.. Everything was in slow motion and that 10 min ride felt
more like 30-40 mins. We were getting closer and I was worried we would be
stopped if we ran the red lights. I was thinking too much and trying not to
think at all. I remember pulling up to the hospital and my dad just stopping
right outside of it and running into the hospital... WE ALL DID.. I ran
along side them all. As we ran in they rushed him into ER through the
swinging doors. I ran in too. Then a nurse saw me and pushed me out .. she
said.. STOP.. You can not be back here.. GET OUT! you have to get out! I was
stunned.. I was with them. I didn't know what to do. My brothers were in
there ...I was not... My dad was in there...but I was not. I was in shock
and alone. I remember looking down at my hands and seeing blood on them. I
brought them up to my nose and smelled them and could smell the coconut. I
was feeling so sick. I was breathing heavily...And ran to the bathroom. I
remember the light was so low that I could barely see. I reached for the
soap at the sink and squirted it into my hands. I rubbed them and rubbed them
over and over again. I rinsed off the blood and did it again. I had blood on
my clothes. I didn't want to see it and I walked back out. I waited there
in the waiting room for a very long time. Eventually we went home. I quickly
took off my clothes and changed. I could remember just hugging my mother and
her putting me to bed. I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned and still
didn't say much of anything. I just witnessed a little boy dying on our
laps.. The most beautiful day turned into my worst nightmare within 10 mins
my world turned upside down. It took me months before I could sleep in my
bed. I would find myself crying at night and running into my parents room to
sleep with them. I remember this man being so grateful to us for helping him
and coming to our home to personally thank us. Even though I had never
really seen his face clearly that night... this time when he was all cleaned up I
thought that I had known him. And again memories came back. I was alright
but it was hard. Being so young and witnessing something so big. I believe
this moment in my life is the place that has shaped who I am and what I am
about. It's complicated but makes me understand where I come from better.
Why I am so quiet at times when I probably shouldn't be.. Like when I'm hurt
I don't say a thing. It makes sense to me now. How I care about details. And
how I put others first to help them because I feel as though I couldn't help
this little boy so I have to help others in his honor. There are so many
things that stem back to this moment in my time that I'm still finding out
about and will continue to try to find. I need to know who I am and how to
free the real me!
After that night I went back to the car the next day and could see blood everywhere all over
the seats and there were tree leaves stuck in the seat as well with blood on it. We all tried to
clean up the car but I couldn't get too close or help all that much. It was too difficult and the
smell just wouldn't go away for me. I could always smell it. I can still think about it now and
smell it extremely strong. It's difficult for me but I'll always face that fear and try to get through
this time in my life. I believe that I can overcome my fears but I need to face them first.

At his funeral they gave out cards with a picture of little Bruce on them.
It is of him smiling beautifully big with a little red tank top on and blue
pants. He has blond hair and has one of his hands scratching a bit on his
belly and one on his hip. He is Alive.

Rest in Peace...
This is what is written on the back of the card.

In Loving Memory Of
Bruce Patrick Drechsler
Jan 20,1985 - August 19,1987


The Greatest Gift
Born to this world
Is a son to bear our name,
But life is short
And sometimes cruel
It seems all such a shame,
We pray there is a heaven
Above, with everything
You loved to do.
We love you dear
Our little one
Forever we'll miss you.
~Unknown Author

My favorite holidays

Ok for some reason the first time I tried this I lost it so here I be again.. ;) and I'm trying to get this written one last time.

The Halloween that sticks out most in my mind is when I was still young I do not remember how old I was but I remember that every year my father would dress up as a scarecrow get a chair and sit outside of our home on our porch, and held a HUGE Bowl of candy on his lap. Of course every time that he would see someone coming he would sit extra still. Then right as they would reach out to take a piece of candy my father would hand them the bowl and the reactions were always the same.. They would say.. "Ahhhh Whoa..." They would then take a piece and say Thank you! ... Then they would run off!! Finally there were I believe 2 black guys who came up and they seemed to be teenagers. They didn't have any costumes on but they would still come around asking for candy with their pillowcases full. They seemed harmless and they were, then my father again held still. He sat up as tall as he could and held back the sound of his breath as much as he could. So again he was going by his plan to do the same and just hand them the bowl. They came closer.. Then he could hear them speaking. They said, " Oh man look... We have a whole bowl full.. woo hoo.. SCORE!! So of course dad sat extremely still not to mess this one up. They didn't see dad as being real ... AT ALL!
They started to climb our porch steps.. 1..2..3..4..and 5... And they reached out their hands as my father just lifted the bowl and handed it to them..... That poor guy didn't see it coming then realized it.. Jumped backwards off the porch in one leap and landed at the bottom of the stairs on his feet... Screaming I know'd it.. I know'd it ..I knowed that it was real.. My dad couldn't stop laughing.. and laughing. He just keep saying I know'd it.. and ran off with his friend... He never did get his candy. I believe that he was definitely tricked that night and will never forget it!! Oh what a great memory that was!!


Ok for my next favorite. I can remember my favorite Christmas of all time. I must have been a preteen to new teen.. We would pick names every year. I had asked if I could stay up this year.. I mean really I am practically an adult now and I don't believe in Santa so why not? "Well" my mom would say.. it's because you need your rest and this year it's your bro. Jonny's turn. I didn't feel so bad because Jonny was my bestest friend and I loved him so with a yawn I kissed everyone good night, turned around and went to bed. I kept dreaming all night long and just as soon as the atmosphere changed in my room I could tell that about 2000 miles away the sun was coming up so I had to as well. I believe it was 5:00am. Perfect!!It's Christmas!! Now with my family no matter the groggy that is heard within our voices we as siblings would wake up and with a plan we would arrange an order to sing carols to our parents to wake them up every Christmas. Ok so by this time it must be about 5:30am. So Silent night is always first then jingle bells, then something like We Wish You a Merry Christmas to end the medley. Ok now is the fun part. We would always hang our stockings outside our doors on hooks because we didn't have a chimney and every Christmas morning they would be FULL of nuts, candy, candy canes, presents and of course the Christmas orange. We would sit at the corners and me always in the center of our parents King sized bed and open up our little presents and have our orange then nuts then candy.. Always in that order. I loved it. It was magical and beautiful and the best way to wake up... ALWAYS with a smile on our faces at least for that one special day!
Finally 6am it was time for the long awaited walk down stairs. I was thrilled we would all hold each others hands and we would all be surprised together. I just knew it would be filled everywhere. I was right.. it was filled the tree even had presents within it. I could see that the presents came out to the middle of the floor... BUT... as soon as I walked into the door I just knew exactly what was mine. I saw it and I knew. It was beautiful.. Baby blue and it had a BIG bright red bow right on top of it. It was a bike. It had my name on it. I was speechless and I felt as though I had tunnel vision. For me? who would do this for me? I looked around and I caught my brothers eyes. He was smiling bigger than I had ever seen him smile before. He had picked my name. He... told me... I found this bike in many pieces on the side of the road. I knew that I could fix it. I bought new brake pads and tires... and cleaned it up nice.. Do you like it? I looked at him and started to cry.. Do I like it? I love it!! Jonny I love it!! I jumped on him and hugged him as tight as I could I'm sure I knocked him over but I didn't care. How did he do this without me knowing... We are so close. It's amazing I didn't care about anything else I held onto that bike all day long. I was amazed and thoroughly surprised and thankful that Christmas! I road that bike until it couldn't ride again. I love my brother. He's the best and sacrifices everything all the time for me. He's truly the best! I can only hope that I can do that or something like that for someone else. That is what Christmas is about. Selflessness and giving! What a beautiful day!

#4 somethings. . . more!

It was the summer before my 16th birthday. I was really into having funky hair and at this particular time I had colored my hair every color of the rainbow with markers. I know I know childish but I was... I was a child.. and it was so much fun. So... I went to this park. I loved this park. It had a field of just grass behind the baseball field and it had bushes to run through with paths that lead to no where special but it was just cool to have paths to go on. It was two levels. The upper level was where the fields were and they had a covered pavilion with picnic area and a place to play tennis against the wall it was pretty cool then the lower level had steep trail ways to get down to it or you can use the right way and go on a pathway made of blacktop but it's just more fun to slide down the steep hill. Well the lower level is where there is a play ground and swings and fountains.. which were always dry ... but I always imagined them to be full of water so that we could splash in them any way I believe that my nephew was 7 years old and he was on a Tee ball team. I went to his game with my brother and mom and a few others that day. It was a blast and I just loved the feeling of the fresh outdoors. Then it happened. I was wearing a white shirt.. Of course right? and I started to smell something ... something so lovely and familiar then I thought ahhh one of my absolutely favorite smells. RAIN!!! I thought you know what? I'll just stay here it will pass as a sprinkle..but no... And now I'm getting poured on. everyone rain to the pavilion...I took a moment longer to get there and I'm now soaked.. No it wasn't a great peep show because of the white shirt, because by the time that I made it up to the pavilion... I had a tie dyed shirt. I had forgotten that I had marked up my hair with Crayola Markers... Just earlier. HA!!!! I truly loved these experiences. How fun right? I miss my crazy hair experiences. Yes I'm grown up but so much of me doesn't want to. I still want my nose pierced and of course have funky hair styles too. I really miss the real me! 

 Ha a funny story that I just remembered..... When I was really young must have been 5 or 6 years old I went to my Grandpa's Farm.. just what we called it. It was his property that my aunt and uncle actually own now. I loved it there and My dad, my brothers, and my sister were all together and we decided that we were gonna go camping ... under the stars. It was wonderful, beautiful, peaceful, and I just loved it so much. To be in nature and of course BE IN THE MIDDLE of EVERYONE when we slept. I believe what we did was open up a couple of sleeping bags and put it directly on the ground.. then we had blankets galore. So we got all snuggled up then I swear out of no where I start hearing sounds.. lots and lots of sounds... I was beginning to freak out a bit. So it was the golden opportunity to tease such a little sister since I was the baby in the family for my brothers to gang up on me and they said.. oh my gosh do you hear that rabid deer? I would say WHAT in the loudest whisper that I could yell. Then my other bro would say no.. that's just a bear or is it a bull. I was imagining the worst. I was sooo scared by this time that I was crying and they felt so bad that they revealed this animal to me as a bull frog.. And I imagined such scary thoughts about that.. and I would cry .. will it come and get me and eat me? Oh they would say no no no.. they might just nibble your toes.. AHhhhhhhhhhh i was going insane. Finally after all the laughs and giggles they finally apologized to me and told me what they really were. I could finally fall asleep but of course I hid under the blankets the whole night. Then day came it was extremely early for me and just a slight cold breeze. I was beginning to stretch when I noticed that I had turned myself all the way around and my head was facing the opposite direction than it was the night before, when I went to bed.. The funny part is that I woke up... half way down the hill.. and when I had opened my eyes, there was a daddy long-leg spider RIGHT NEXT TO MY NOSE on the ground. I jumped up so fast and then realized every one was up already.. in search of real wild growing strawberries. We put them into dad's pancakes and I was in heaven. I love that farm and I hope someday I'll be able to bring my children there to go camping just like I did.  I know we would have such a blast together.

#3 more random memories

Ok so today I've been thinking a lot about singing and a memory popped into my head of when I was 17 years old. I had this wonderful boyfriend Mike H. He was amazing and sang beautifully. He had this band. I thought that alone was cool and then one day he asked me if I wouldn't mind filling in for their friend Susie who was their back up singer. She was leaving town for a while and they had a gig in NYC at the Lions Den (a bar). They had some songs in mind and I was extremely nervous. I didn't want to pass up this opportunity because singing and music was my life at that time. One of the songs was one of the bands called Human Nature.. and the other was from Tears for fears called Woman in chains. I practiced for a week straight.. That's all I had. Every free moment was singing. I was extremely ready we practiced in Poughkeepsie in his basement. It was all decked out and looked like a stage. I remember we went down there at about 8pm and set up for that night. I think we started our gig at 12 midnight. My mother came a long for "my protection" but I love her so I didn't mind. Ok so I performed Human Nature first and it went so well. I was so excited. PUMPED!! People were cheering not many were there maybe no more than 50 at the time. I still loved it because it was a small bar and it felt packed. I sat down again and waited my turn again mean while a very attractive... HOT man walked in the door and I apparently caught his eye. He was smoking and was sitting at a tall table. He just kept looking at me. Then my boyfriend called me up and introduced me as I walked by this guy dropped his cigarette out of his mouth completely and onto the floor. I paused. Looked at him and said You dropped something.. with my little cocky smile on my face and if I remember right I believe I stepped it out. Anyway I performed this song AMAZINGLY and I am my own worse critic. I felt amazing and was extremely happy with the performance and hugged my boyfriend. I then walked down to the table with my mom there and sat and had a water. This guy.. with the cig problem.. came over to me and proceeded to hand me a business card and said "You have the most beautiful voice please keep in contact with me." I took the card and said thank you. I looked at it and noticed he was the owner to a comic book shop. I thought that was pretty cool. Then my mother took it out of my hands and ripped it up. I felt really sad. I know I probably never would have contacted him ... BUT... It would have been a really cool souvenir to bring home.
Then the highlight for the evening .. I had to help a drunk lady get to the bathroom and Fast! HA!!
                     *****************
It was the day before my 14th birthday. I was invited over to my best friends house Debbi M. I remember it was 9th grade because my hair was COMPLETELY black! Yep I went through that faze. I think it looked great on me. I remember I came in to the house and sat down with a huge sigh.. It was always a relief for me to go there as rare of an occasion that it was. I felt safe and comfortable and wow Debbi's dad could cook. I always looked forward to eating and eating a lot when I went there. So Debbi said to me.."Oh Evana can you come with me?" I said sure. I went to her room with her. She was doing something on one side and said do you mind getting me a shirt from my closet .. I said not at all. I started to walk over to the closet and began to open it.. and I heard the most amazingly HUGE sound of SURPRISE!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I swear I almost slammed the door shut and I jumped about 3 feet into the air. holding one hand over my mouth and one on my chest. I almost had a heart attack. Then one at a time people came out of the closet. hahahaha!! ;) It was like a clown car and it didn't seem to stop. I think there were 8-10 people crammed into that closet. It was great!!! Then I saw him. I don't even know how he knew to come. It was that guy (a football player)I had a crush on. Did he know? Did he like me too? WOW I was over whelmed with excitement and pitter patters galore. His name is Ike J. He was beautiful to me... clean cut handsome and wow he was here at my surprise birthday party (That was Debbi's gift to me). I finally found words and I smiled huge then said Thank you... thank you so much for being here. It was amazing. It was my 1st and only Surprise birthday party in my teens. I had one other on my 10th birthday but this was beyond my expectations for sure. I believe we all went outside and went on walks or played some games...I really don't know our remember. All I remember is that I had a few moments with Ike by myself. He was I think 17 at the time and I was basically 14. He was wearing 2 silver necklaces. He took the thinner one off his neck and gave it to me as my birthday gift. As he was putting it on me his arms were around my neck. I stared into his eyes and he stared back at me. He smiled big and slowly came closer. I was terrified to know what was about to happen. Knowing that I couldn't even date till I was 16 and that was 2 years away... I froze. He was warm and he slightly and sweetly kissed my lips. This was my first kiss! I kissed him back. Then out of no where I hear.. I'm gonna tell on you... It was Debbi's little Brother Rocco. Crap! I was terrified. I was caught and now I'm in trouble. HA.. Well I was lucky to find out that Rocco never did get me in trouble. Wow what a memory..  It just feels like it was yesterday. Many of my memories feel that way.

Just more stories Day #2

What to speak of today? I remember.. when I was young I must have been about 5-6 I was climbing our maple tree in the back yard. My brothers were climbing too and they climbed to the top of the tree where they would sway in the wind. I couldn't make it that far but I have always wanted to try. They told me.. When you are 7 you for sure can go up there. I believe one bro was 9 and the other 11 and I craved to climb I tried but I was just too scared and my little legs couldn't stretch far enough to push my way up the branches. So I found these two branches that grew very close together enough to sit on or lay down on. I would sometimes bring paper and a pencil with me and draw flowers or the tree or what ever. It was my safe haven and I loved it. I tried again when i was 7 ..couldn't do it and tried again at 9 still couldn't reach with confidence. Then again at 11 then 12 I believe the last time that I've tried to climb that tree I must have been 17 years old. And you would think that I could go farther.. I did.. about 5 ft higher and that was it. I just couldn't do it. It was too scary for me and I've always regretted not getting to the swaying tree limbs. Still I loved that tree. It knew just what I needed, those two branches just for me.

I remember when I was around 5 I found this cat. He was black and White. Mostly his paws were white and the unique thing about him was that he had 8 toes on each front paw so his feet were huge!!! We named him mittens. Just looked like he was always wearing mittens. He was beautiful. One day I saw him across the street. I called for him and called for him. Then he saw me and started to run towards me. I quickly went from the feeling of joy and happiness to utter pain and sickness. I saw a HUGE mack truck coming up my road.. it's not a main street so that sort of thing didn't just happen a lot. I saw that my cat was running now towards me. I screamed NO!!! STOP!! He didn't notice..he just wanted to come to me. I was so sick because as he ran into the road the truck had gone directly over him. Then he pulled his crushed little body across the road and tried to hide under my neighbors porch. I cried to him and called him to come out. He wouldn't he didn't want me to see him dying. It hurt so bad. His entire backside was crushed completely. I felt sick. It was all my fault. If I had only not called him then. He would have stayed a live. We eventually got him out from under the porch and his complete front paws were fine. We put him in a blanket lined box and I held his little paws all the way to the Vet. He was still a live. I cried and cried and said I was sorry. It hurt so bad to know that he had to be put to sleep. I didn't know what to do I felt so sick. What a good cat he was. I still feel sadness for my kitty to this day. I believe I always will.

I remember a small little memory. I must have been 1 or closer to 2 I was in a tree swing made of wood and metal. I believe I was left in there to keep my happy and calm while my mom did some house work.. and I remember it stopped swinging. I didn't mind though, I was an observer. I listened to everything. I saw the trees move with the wind and at this particular time I remember that the swing broke. I don't remember being scared but who really knows I just remember that I wasn't crying. I was dangling from the swing. My left side was still holding and the right side had fallen. It's interesting the thought process of a child as opposed to as an adult. My reactions were very minimal. I just waited till someone found me.

I was 3 years old. We had this round kiddie pool in Tennessee that we would of course play in.. you know the type.. Blue about 4 feet across by 1 foot high. Well I remember it was late... or dark out at least and my brother and sister maybe it was more of us and I were jumping and hiding inside this little pool every time a car would pass. We'd pretend to dive in and try not to be seen. It was so much fun for me and I felt so important and so grown up when I got to do things like that with my brother's and sister's.

How do I start this story...? I believe I was around 5 at this point and I guess I would say that my sister Sarah used to love to come home from school and come up with Ditto sheets and an after school program for us the little brothers and sister to follow. It was so exciting. There would be so many fun activities planned. We would ride our bikes.. well not me because I didn't have a bike so I would ride with my sister on her bike to a donut shop all the way down Foxhall Ave. We would donate our 10 cents or 25 cents to to get a couple of donuts (jelly filled is my favorite) and we would split them one bite at a time. Then we would go to our elementary school and explore the HUGE (25 meter diameter) forest. I always thought that I wouldn't find my way out. I would imagine that we were out in the country somewhere and that we had to find the treasure. We would make maps and burn the edges crinkle them up and pretend that lined paper was a real map. My imagination grew so much with my sisters help. I would love to learn things from her because to me she knew everything.

I found a cat after my mittens cat was put to sleep. This kitty cat was beautiful She had every color in her hair. I names her sissy. She had walked under our back fence and I knew that I would keep her. She stayed. She loved us and basically adopted us as a family. I loved this cat but unfortunately I don't believe that I had ever gotten a picture of her. What a shame. Eventually Sissy got sick. Really sick I don't know from what my mom thinks that she cleaned out the litter once and sprayed Lysol and she feels it was her fault for getting Sissy sick. I just remember feeling.. I just can't go this time. I have to stay home. And I said good bye to her. It's always hard for me to say good bye to my cats after the way mittens had to die.
So when my father came home he was beaming. I didn't understand.. he had his hand in his coat upon his chest. And I was crying of course and he said.. my name I looked up at him and he pulled out his hand from his coat with the tiniest littlest Siamese kitten that I've ever seen. She was just a baby. The moment I saw her I thought that she looked just like Barbara Streisand whom I loved at the time and had just watched her show funny girl so I named my kitty Fanny after her character Fanny Brice. She was lovely, elegant and beautiful. I needed her so bad and all of my sadness went away. I was so happy!

My first memories!

WOW what do I say? I don't have to say anything special just as long as I begin. Life is amazing really. Yet there are so many reasons to hurt. I'm sitting here thinking about my life story and what do I say how do I begin. At the beginning? my first cry? I don't think that would work for me. Rather just randomly blurt out what ever comes to my mind first.
Right now I'm remembering myself in Tennessee. I think I must have been 3 years old. I remember we had a cold cellar but we could only get there from behind our home and it sat below our house. I would wear my fathers big old black boots and walk down there we would store black walnuts down there. I swear I could eat them till my stomach would hurt. I remember in this memory my bro. who is 3 years older than I swear was the same height as me. It made me feel special to wear those boots but it was difficult to walk in. It would come all the way up my leg past my knees and to the top of my legs.

I remember when it was almost easter I was still three almost 4 I suppose and my hair was just below my ears. I wore a yellow dress I suppose it was my favorite at the time because it's in a few of my pictures when I was young and my sister and our neighbor held me up between them so we can have a pic together in our neighbors room right in front of a window. I was barely on the windows edge with my butt and I remember it hurting my butt so bad but I had to stay there until the camera flashed with a smile on my face. I was always good with things like that. Never did complain much.
That same year I remember that I was running in our front yard. I was wearing these brown sandals with an open toe. I somehow got a big bumble bee stuck under my toes. I remember hurting so bad and trying to run into the house ... My mother got our big popcorn/pasta bowl and quickly made this huge mixture of baking soda and water or oatmeal I don't remember it fully but I remember they soaked my foot to help with the swelling.
I have since been stung one other time by a big bumble bee and I swelled up so bad up to my knee. The fact is that it's only been on that same foot.
My mother once had a 110mm camera. I used to crave to take pictures with it. She told me.. Alright.. just one picture. I must have searched and searched for just the right place and just the right thing for a half hour then I saw it.. it was right there so beautiful so wonderful but dying on the edges. I loved it I framed it just so perfectly. It was a rose. The very first picture that I believe I've ever taken. It was HUGE it was in my neighbors yard at the top of their little hill just waiting for me. I swear it was smiling. Holding out just long enough for me to take it's picture.
I was almost 8 years old and I went to school like usual. I was in the third grade in Mr. Diamonds class. It was almost my birthday that weekend I believe just a couple days away. My class and I were working on multiplication and I was focusing intensely. I remember I was wearing a matching fuzzy running suit. HA! When we heard a knock on our door. We all sorta looked up and a big RED twinkling nose started to squeeze through the door. It was a clown!!! We were all shocked. Then I realized it was our janitor. His name is smitty... or twinkle nose the clown as it were that day. I remember that he loved me so much that he came in to wish me a happy birthday and we ended up having a party that day. He gave me a card and did tricks. pulled colorfull papers out of his mouth and put big funny glasses on my face and took pictures. I was in heaven that day. I felt popular and well liked. EVERY one wanted an invitation to my party. I gave one to EVERY SINGLE PERSON there. I was finally feeling like I was going to fit in.
My party day came. My best friend Jessica George was there and a boy names Wayne Decker. I so had a crush on him. I remember only one gift that year. It was from Wayne. He gave me a clouded glass necklace in the shape of a Siamese cat. Just like my kitty cat Fanny. It was beautiful and I felt like a princess wearing it. I believe that was the very first time that I received jewelry from a guy. I remember that was the start of me being disliked at school. After I came back to school on the next Monday the girls in my class would ask me where I got the necklace and I would tell them it was from Wayne and they said, " you're lying" It hurt so I would hide that I was wearing it. And eventually some how somewhere I had lost it. I was extremely sad.

My dog Dusty Rusty saved my life once. At least it felt like it to me. I was playing and I must have been about 2 [yes I can remember that far back ] I was on a little slope in the front yard of my Tennessee home when I fell down. I actually don't remember how I fell down but I remember I was head first on my back down the little hill. I remember trying to sit up and I couldn't I got really really scared. I guess my thought process couldn't figure out how to turn to the side at that young age. I just wanted to sit straight up. I called for my dog. "RUSTY... RUSTY" he came running from around back of our home and he saw me. He came to me and took hold of my clothes in his mouth and pulled me to my side to where I could get up on my own. I felt like he saved my life.

When I was young I don't remember how young but I could walk and talk I'm sure. I would try to ride my brothers skateboard [I never did get a hang of it] with out fail I would fall and bust my mouth right on the ground. I would cry and my mouth would bleed and eventually my tooth turned dark. It had died. My grand father was there once. He helped me and sat me on his lap. Comforted me and My memory has it as ... He gave me a sip of his coffee. Here is the interesting thing about it. My grand father passed away over 5 years before I was born. But when I saw his picture I had told my mother that is him that's grandpa huh? She said yes. And I told her that he helped me when I hurt my tooth. I swore by it for years after. It has always been a special memory for me.