It is now the year 2012.. I was married to an amazing man and father for 12 years 2 months to be exact.. I had the best time living in the life I had and enjoyed every moment I could. What a blessing it is to say that I loved being married as long as I did with whom I was married to. I can say this... I didn't lose a thing by my divorce. I still have my best friend in Matt and we are still raising our children together. Divorce does NOT have to be the end of the road of a relationship. But can be a new fresh beginning to a better life. Both of us just knew it was better if we parted on the bonds of marriage only.. but continue on with our friendship from here on out.
We've shared laughs and tears, hard loses and amazing gains, we've traveled all around and met many great people together. We lived!!
So now what?? Yeah this is the hardest part about it. What do I do? Where do I go? How do I survive in an ever changing world when I never before stepped out INTO it for the past 12 years? Where does a single Mom begin? Find a job?(with no experience in anything) Get a new place to live? (with no income) Make new friendships? (with new people because everyone was OUR friends and now we're no longer an OUR) Get a car?(uh.. probably not happening) What about my children?(I don't even want to think about it)
Yeah the things people don't think about when going through a divorce. . . I don't even know what I like and what I don't like.. what interests me or doesn't. All I know is .. I am going to be ok!
How beautiful it is to turn a new leaf. Sure I'm scared a bit.. ok A LOT.. Sure I hate to think about being alone or with out my Matt.. Sure this all kinda sucks! WHY would I put TOO much time thinking these things if I want to Grow? WHY would I NOT do my best to be HAPPY Right now?? I will continue to do my best and be positive and raise my Boys with love, patience and respect, showing how much I can be honest, a peacemaker, and a helper. And in doing so they will also try and do the same in the future within their own lives. I'm proud of my sons. They are amazing young men who have taught me a lot in my life already. I always tell them.. "Boys... this is the first time that I've been a mom.. I don't know how to be a mom.. I'm not perfect at it.. and I too make mistakes.. there really isn't the perfect way or the perfect guide to make things be the right way all the time" And then my sweet boys usually just say back.. "It's okay mom.. we know.. and we know that you love us... and we love you back!" I did something right with those boys and I'm grateful for that!!
So now.. it's been almost 2 months and I'm getting called on.. (old fashioned way of saying being asked out) It's weird but it has been good. I don't know how to be single and I'm realizing that fast... Where I would automatically hold hands with my ex. I'm finding it difficult not to with a date. Where I would usually scratch the back of his head or rub his shoulder while driving down the road.. now I'm restraining to not do things like that too quickly when before that was just a normal thing and now could be taken wrong or taken like I'm jumping the gun.. Ahhh.. yes WIERD.. I have had to apologize when saying thank you babe or hun or love you.. or when I call him MATT ... AHHH yeah that was awkward..!! (thankfully he understood) ;) needless to say.. I BLUSH out of awkward moments more than out of being TOO Shy!! So with a laugh.. I'll continue my best in meeting new people.. I don't want to give up on Love. HELL NO.. I KNOW it's out there. I know that I want it in my life because I have so much of it to give.
I just hope there is/are gentlemen still out there in the world. I'd love to someday be loved in all the right ways. Let me say this though... I am in NO HURRY!! :D
So yes Times have changed in a very very big way. I'll of course continue with my journey in finding out who I am, where I belong and how I will indeed get to the destination that I am meant for!
I know it's not easy.. but I'm no longer afraid..
