I have now had a few years pass since my last dialog here. And Everything in my world And life has changed.
I've suffered as many people have. I've struggled, I've tried to make a relationship that had no foundation stand, and it did not happen. I held out like so many people told me I should (just hold on things will get better) but in the end it was all based off of no true structure that could withstand its weight. 9 years... 9!!
I was with Someone who only wanted.. everything.. but monogamy. He tried so many times to get me to have an open relationship. I even caved and tried but didn't want that at all. I wanted My family. And excuse after excuse lie after lie.. and him pushing me in a different direction.. I gave up, I gave in, and asked him for a divorce.. life has been so rocky and unsure and I had to live in the same home for over 1.5 years being separated in order to make him happy and not give him an at fault divorce. He didn't want ANY blame being put on himself. He didn't want me to say he had several affairs. Or that our home felt toxic. He wanted to only look like he's being fair, kind and letting me stay there in our home. And really I was the only full time worker for 2 of the 3 years that we were living in our home. Then I resigned after 2.5yrs in a management position in September of 2021.. and he had several part times jobs till the beginning of 2021. He and I split everything down the center up until this last year (October 2021) and then I paid every penny of our divorce. So much has happened so many hard times so many years so much want but not great communicating or true partnership. My heart has broken. The interesting thing is I was so deeply in love so I tried over and over again I wanted to try. I wanted to fight for us. I think the thing is.. he wanted his freedom and I again caved and I gave it back to him.. I had so very many moments in those 9 years though that were so beautiful.. that is what kept me trying and kept me going. But to many that made me make the decision to go. I eventually at the end decided to fully let go. I began to date someone new.. she was my best friend.. I don't think that we really realized we were dating. We hung out so often that we just became part of each other's lives. It's surprising to me. It's not that I'm against same sex partners... it never has bothered me but I never saw this in the works for myself. It works though.. we aren't perfect no but we are friends and we get eachother.. and we love one another. So for now in this time this is right and this makes sense.
