My 7 year old best and worst day ever!

Ok so it's been forever since I wrote anything here in my Blog. I have struggled with
this story all of my life and Yes I know I am supposed to write it but I don't want
to. It's like I've been hiding from the fact that I too am human. I hurt.. I
feel.. I even cry.. AND I know that I can not always fix my problems...
but I do like to try. Even when I can get hurt all over again in the process but hey here I
am. I've tried to avoid this story and have long enough. I need to get this out!!

I was 7 years old. It was August 19th 1987. [20 years ago actually] I was so
excited because my crush Paul R. and his brother Tom came over to our home
for dinner. I had been anticipating this day for a long time just so that I
could be at 'MY' Home with Paul and have fun and show him that I was cool
or what ever it is that 7 year old girls like to show off in front of her
little crush does. We had a perfect day. I was so happy and we were allowed to
drive them back home even though we had too many people in the car I so
wanted to go. So I did! We drove from Kingston to Saugerties N.Y. which was
about 15 mins of driving time on the back roads.. instead of the Thruway. We
wanted to save that 15 cents or what ever it was back then. I was wearing a
little orange jump suit shorts thing.. You know the type that we wore in the 80's. A little
jumpsuits that tied over the shoulders? And the material was fuzzy almost
like towel material. Well. I was looking all great and felt wonderful.
We said good bye as we dropped them off and I of course smiled my biggest
(I'm sure toothless) smile and waved to him/them as they climbed out of the car. They
smiled back and said thank you. I was in my own little heaven. What a
perfect day that was. It must have been about 9 or 9:30pm when we dropped them off just barely light out and then when we were coming back it was time for the sky to be getting dark finally. We were again coming back home the same way through the back roads.
I believe that it had started to sprinkle so the roads were just a bit moist.. and to us it looked as
though a couple cars up ahead of us were swerving on the road we held back a bit just in
case. We saw a truck Way up in front of us but off to the side of the road kind of
on a pull off spot and it was parked. And before we knew it.. A car coming
the other direction was also swerving a bit and got too close to that truck
and hit it hard... the truck spinned and then the car that was swerving on
our side hit it as well.. All I could hear was my dad saying.. uh oh.. uh
oh.. oh boy.. there's a big accident..
I tried to see what was happening..but I couldn't see anything yet..
Then I saw as we got closer... The truck and the two cars...
I said "what happened daddy?" He said, "I believe that two drunk drivers hit
that truck.." I was shocked.. He then pulled through a small opening on the
road through the vehicles and parked his car a bit past the accident and we
saw so much more than what we thought had happened. Dad got out of the car.
There were lots of cars lining up now behind both sides of the accident.
People were getting out of their cars trying to see what was going on.
My dad looked inside the car to us and said.. scoot over kids.. My brother Harry and I were in
the back seat and Jonny was sitting up front. I was in the middle and he was on the passenger
side. He said I'll switch with you.. I was grateful. I quickly jumped over to the window side and
we gave room for someone else. I looked out the window and we saw a frantic man standing
there with something lifeless in his arms. He was pleading for help from anyone. "Please !!!
please help me !!! Please someone help!!!" He was yelling. I looked around from car to
car and people were gasping and holding their mouths... and eyes.. trying to
look away. I remember a woman in particular that had a very nice car and plenty of room but
"looked" like she was getting sick and to me it felt like she couldn't help. I remember my heart
sinking and my stomach getting sick. I didn't know why people were turning away till I saw this
man myself. He was covered in blood. He was holding his child.. a little boy who was going on 3
years old in his arms.(This is what had happened...)

What had happened was, This man and his son had gone fishing they had been in the sun all
day and it was a nice warm day. They had gotting back in their truck and were
resting up a bit before heading back home. This little boys name is Bruce (I
can't remember the fathers name) So Bruce was not in his car seat yet or a
seatbelt. The windows were rolled down and the truck was not turned on yet.
So Bruce was just playing on the seat as his dad was sitting back and
resting. And all of a sudden they had gotten hit by the first drunk driver.
At that very moment, Bruce was flung out of the window. The second drunk driver
came and hit the truck again and the truck had moved in such a way that the
back tire had landed right on pour little Bruces' stomach and ribcage. The
entire trucks weight. This man jumped out of that truck so fast ...and with his
own strength had moved the truck off of his son. This is about the same time
that we had passed by the accident. My father had seen this man pick up his
son into his arms and run toward the crowd of cars and people. This is the
time that he told us to move over. We were driving in a little white 5
seater Honda. As the man yelled out for help Dad yelled back to him.. OVER
HERE!!!! This man came running toward us. We told him we'll get him to the
closest hospital. Which was Kingston Hospital. (Right across the street from
my home)he jumped in and the first thing that I noticed was that they had
been wearing suntan lotion(you know the type that smells like coconut?) It
was extremely strong and it dripped through my senses mixed with the smell
of blood. I remembered having them in the car made our windows very fogged
up because of the breathing and movement. This man laid his son across the laps of my
brother Harry and me and of course himself. I only held his feet. Then he started doing
CPR on his little son. He kept pushing on his chest and breathing in his
mouth.He kept yelling at his son.. COME ON.. BREATH... COME ON... I kept
pulling my body away from my brother and pushing myself closer against the
window and door on my side of the car. I rolled down the window slowly just enough to
move some air around in the car. I was suffocating on the smell. I was
silent. I remember looking out my window a lot then hearing a little voice that said,
"Daddy"...And then nothing.. he didn't move anymore..Bruces dad said..
NO!!!!!I'm trying son.. I'm trying.. you'll be ok.. And then yelling are we
close?? please hurry... !!! I held back everything and finally looked over to
the little boy and noticed that he had a shoe missing. I kept thinking.. Why
doesn't he have his shoe.. He needs his other shoe. We kept speeding as
carefully as we could to get to the hospital. I have never seen so many red
lights and then going through them when it was safe to. I kept hoping we
would get there faster. I didn't know what to do. I tried everything I could
not to THINK. Not to talk.. and not to move. I didn't know if rolling down
the window would make someone yell at me or offend someone else. I didn't
know the reactions of others if I tried to move away if someone would be
offended that I didn't want to touch bruces feet. EVERYTHING to me went
extremely slow.. Everything was in slow motion and that 10 min ride felt
more like 30-40 mins. We were getting closer and I was worried we would be
stopped if we ran the red lights. I was thinking too much and trying not to
think at all. I remember pulling up to the hospital and my dad just stopping
right outside of it and running into the hospital... WE ALL DID.. I ran
along side them all. As we ran in they rushed him into ER through the
swinging doors. I ran in too. Then a nurse saw me and pushed me out .. she
said.. STOP.. You can not be back here.. GET OUT! you have to get out! I was
stunned.. I was with them. I didn't know what to do. My brothers were in
there ...I was not... My dad was in there...but I was not. I was in shock
and alone. I remember looking down at my hands and seeing blood on them. I
brought them up to my nose and smelled them and could smell the coconut. I
was feeling so sick. I was breathing heavily...And ran to the bathroom. I
remember the light was so low that I could barely see. I reached for the
soap at the sink and squirted it into my hands. I rubbed them and rubbed them
over and over again. I rinsed off the blood and did it again. I had blood on
my clothes. I didn't want to see it and I walked back out. I waited there
in the waiting room for a very long time. Eventually we went home. I quickly
took off my clothes and changed. I could remember just hugging my mother and
her putting me to bed. I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned and still
didn't say much of anything. I just witnessed a little boy dying on our
laps.. The most beautiful day turned into my worst nightmare within 10 mins
my world turned upside down. It took me months before I could sleep in my
bed. I would find myself crying at night and running into my parents room to
sleep with them. I remember this man being so grateful to us for helping him
and coming to our home to personally thank us. Even though I had never
really seen his face clearly that night... this time when he was all cleaned up I
thought that I had known him. And again memories came back. I was alright
but it was hard. Being so young and witnessing something so big. I believe
this moment in my life is the place that has shaped who I am and what I am
about. It's complicated but makes me understand where I come from better.
Why I am so quiet at times when I probably shouldn't be.. Like when I'm hurt
I don't say a thing. It makes sense to me now. How I care about details. And
how I put others first to help them because I feel as though I couldn't help
this little boy so I have to help others in his honor. There are so many
things that stem back to this moment in my time that I'm still finding out
about and will continue to try to find. I need to know who I am and how to
free the real me!
After that night I went back to the car the next day and could see blood everywhere all over
the seats and there were tree leaves stuck in the seat as well with blood on it. We all tried to
clean up the car but I couldn't get too close or help all that much. It was too difficult and the
smell just wouldn't go away for me. I could always smell it. I can still think about it now and
smell it extremely strong. It's difficult for me but I'll always face that fear and try to get through
this time in my life. I believe that I can overcome my fears but I need to face them first.

At his funeral they gave out cards with a picture of little Bruce on them.
It is of him smiling beautifully big with a little red tank top on and blue
pants. He has blond hair and has one of his hands scratching a bit on his
belly and one on his hip. He is Alive.

Rest in Peace...
This is what is written on the back of the card.

In Loving Memory Of
Bruce Patrick Drechsler
Jan 20,1985 - August 19,1987


The Greatest Gift
Born to this world
Is a son to bear our name,
But life is short
And sometimes cruel
It seems all such a shame,
We pray there is a heaven
Above, with everything
You loved to do.
We love you dear
Our little one
Forever we'll miss you.
~Unknown Author